


Whatever Suits You

by patxaran



Series: Leopikaweek2016 on tumblr [3]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Breakfast, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Slice of Life, kurapika hates suits, leorio is cheap as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 22:37:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8227105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patxaran/pseuds/patxaran
Summary: Kurapika is shit at tying a tie. We learn Leorio’s obsession with his clothes has a basis in his childhood poverty. Kurapika and Leorio get breakfast. Leorio is cheap as fuck. Kurapika tries to explain basic thermodynamics to Leorio over toast. They decided to meet up again on Thursday.Basically, it's fluff leopika style. Because they are such damn loser nerds.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was worried writing super cheap Leorio would be hard because I'm so damn rich (hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa…no), but actually it was way easy because it occurred to me that Leorio is basically a sitcom dad, always pinching the pennies.

Leorio Paladiknight was the undisputed champion in any fight of who could tie the quickest and most fashionable necktie. He was also more than capable of preforming ten different maneuvers for removing said necktie, each one varying on an a scale from purely utilitarian to damnably sexy. It was one thing to remove a necktie simultaneously while kicking off your shoes and reaching wearily for the TV remote. It was quite another to do so as you approached the bed with a predatory gleam in your eyes, loosening the knot and then failing, in a lust-clouded haze, at the impossible task of slipping your narrow shoes off fluidly without needing to pause and make a protracted moment out of it.

If Leorio had been a conjurer, as he told Kurapika for the thirtieth time when his left shoe (always the sinister left!) stubbornly refused to set Leorio free, Leorio would've conjured his clothes out of Nen. This would've had the advantage of being much cheaper than buying new clothes every time the tide of fashion turned. Also, it meant he could abracadabra his clothes away in an instant, reducing the time wasted stalling with laces and buttons and laying jackets out properly because you wouldn't be financially equipped enough to trek to the dry cleaners for another week.

"Who taught you to tie this?" asked Leorio critically as he attempted to loosen the knot Kurapika had pulled tight around his throat, presumably to hang himself with. There was no other motive Leorio could imagine for such a thing.

"Observation," said Kurapika. "More or less. There's only really a few ways."

"Well, not only is the tie going to be uncomfortable this tight, but you're going to ruin the tie if you keep it up. You have to treat the ties right. They are shiny, silky babies, and you have to care for them. They don't take well to being handled roughly."

"Well, I think they're silly anyway," said Kurapika. The tie around his neck had finally been pulled free, allowing cool air to tickle his neck as well as enter his lungs. "I don't see them serving any purpose beyond that of a mere ornament. They're ridiculous lengths of cloth you wrap around your neck just because men aren't allowed to wear colors if you want to be taken seriously in this country. The tie is all you have left."

"Hey, do I make fun of your clothes? Because I think a skirt is pretty useless. Pretty sure women in my country protested to have the right not to be stuck in skirts all day. Just because suits and ties are so ubiquitous doesn't mean you're allowed to attack them without hurting anyone's feelings."

Leorio's feelings were too delicate by half and impossible to not to hurt. Kurapika didn't even try.

"I will never understand how the urbanites in your V6 countries dress. I'm told I have to wear a suit to be taken seriously, and I feel like I look like the furthest thing from serious dressed like this. I can barely move. And yet I'm supposed to perform physical feats of great agility in the protection of a client's life while wearing something so constricting I can hardly run in it. Where is the logic? Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror and I ask myself, in total seriousness, 'how the hell did Leorio pass the Hunter Exam dressed in a full suit and tie?' And then, I'm startled to realized that I honestly don't know."

"Shut up, Kurapika," said Leorio as he smoothed the unknotted tie out on his lap to try to get it to lay relatively flat once more. "To me, wearing a suit is a privilege. People see me, strangers see me, and they know that this guy right here has his life in order. This guy can afford to dress well. This guy is important. How the hell else could I have done so damn well in the chairmen elections? Besides, you know, speaking for the people with the power of my fist."

"From what I hear, it was the punch and internal politics that helped you to do well. No-one has told me anything about how you were dressed."

"It's a subtle, psychological response, Kurapika. You ought to know that. You're the one who goes around trying to read people all the time like your books."

Kurapika flipped the collar of his shirt back up in preparation to knot the tie around his neck without nearly strangling himself this time. Leorio made a joke about the color supposedly returning to Kurapika's face now that his circulation had been restored. Was it really so intimidating to people that Kurapika always appear as bloodless as a starving vampire staggering through a graveyard? Was it supposed to bring out the red in his eyes and strike fear into the hearts of his soon-to-be vanquished foes?

Kurapika took the patronizing volley of more and more ridiculous questions without comment. He grimaced at the reference to his eyes, however, and cast a quick glance around the room as though suggesting someone might overhear Leorio. Leorio flicked his fingers, physically brushing such small, inconsequential speculation aside.

"Don't take the way you've always seen me dress for granted," said Leorio as he stood to loop the tie around Kurapika's neck. Kurapika hadn't invited Leorio to do this for him, but Leorio was confident Kurapika wouldn't stop him. "By no means did I grow up dressing like this. I had to earn it. All you had to do was pass a test to be considered mature enough to leave your village. In my culture, getting treated like an adult is much more complicated than that. Part of the process is looking the part. A suit makes you look the part."

"Anyone can wear a suit, Leorio. It's not a good way to tell how mature a person is."

"I know that. But also, everyone was calling me an old man during the Hunter Exam, so clearly I was on to something."

All Kurapika ever did was smile faintly when Leorio was right. He did so now.

"It was a big moment for me, buying my first suit, okay? I bought the jacket first. I acquired the other pieces as I went along, ending with the shoes. I couldn't afford more than three shirts and two pairs of trousers, though, so what you saw me carrying around during the Hunter Exam was everything. I guarded that suitcase with my life, if you even remember."

"I thought you were careful with it because it had all your important medical supplies."

"It had that, too."

Leorio let go of the two ends of the tie and stepped back, gesturing to Kurapika to take them. Kurapika, who'd been standing with his chin held up to allow Leorio a better vantage of the knot to be tied, was taken aback.

"Sorry?" asked Kurapika. His had hands risen in understanding to grasp the two ends of the tie as Leorio released them, but his mind hadn't followed.

"I'm going to show you how to do this properly so you don't pass out one day and die because the knot is so tight no-one can get it undone in time to save you."

"That's not a thing that happens, Leorio."

"Plus, it will look better."

"Fine."

Leorio undid his own tie quickly (not the sexy way, just the fastest one, but the two methods had a lot in common). He straightened up in his stance, taking a more regal and assured posture, perfect for imparting his specialized knowledge with the proper gravitas. Kurapika mimicked Leorio in a slower, much more deliberate way, because the dripping weight of the sarcasm Kurapika had to wade through was causing a lot of resistance.

"Watch carefully, and follow along," said Leorio as he pretended not to see the arched brow on Kurapika's otherwise blank face indicating that Kurapika was merely humoring Leorio. "You already have the idea, so now we've got to do some fine tuning."

Leorio commented the instruction…

…"Shorten the thicker side. You're not as tall as I am and you have the neck of a damn swan."

…"Tighten it first, then pull the knot up."

…"How is it so crooked? How did you twist it around like that?"

…"Untie it. Do it again."

…"Okay, better. Now again."

…"Yes, I'm serious; a third time."

…"Okay, I think you have it."

Kurapika tied the necktie for the fourth and, for now, final time. Leorio promised to test Kurapika later, once Kurapika'd had a few hours to forget the finer steps. It was important to review what you learned to ensure it had been properly committed to memory.

Then, the two of them went downstairs for breakfast.

"I do find it a bit strange that I haven't seen you in three months, and one of the first things you do once we're done catching up is lecture me about my tie," said Kurapika a few as they took their seats at the table in the hotel restaurant.

Originally, Leorio had only agreed to meet with Kurapika for breakfast. In practice, Leorio had arrived over six hours early, glancing over the guest ledger in willful abuse of the Hunter website before making a beeline for Kurapika's room. He wouldn't reveal to Kurapika how he'd known which room was his, though Kurapika figured rightly that Leorio had been able to puzzle out the pseudonym Kurapika had used. Anyone with knowledge of foreign literature would've recognized the reference to a tooth-collecting mouse from a fairytale that was native to Leorio's homeland.

"Senritsu asked me to look into it. Unlike some people, she actually uses email. She also doesn't seem to lose my number every time she changes phones. Ask her about it. You could learn a lot."

Kurapika rolled his eyes, but took the ribbing without resistance. He knew Senritsu had Leorio's contact information. Where the hell else did Leorio think Kurapika'd got the number to call him with the night before?

"Look at the price for tea," Leorio muttered grumpily at the menu he'd just taken up. "Seriously, it's microwaved water and a tea bag. It's highway robbery."

For a few minutes Leorio and Kurapika sat saying nothing between each other while Leorio critiqued the menu's prices. It was one of Leorio's favorite pastimes to read overpriced menus and try to predict what a disappointment each dish was going to be in it's own unique way. The complains of this particular menu went as follows:

The light breakfast macedonia would be watery, the fruit under-ripe and under-macerated to such an extent that the sugar would still have a granular texture. The toast would be cold and accompanied by frozen butter. Every pastry would be stale, or the filling severely skimped on, or both those things. The most filling option, the cheap quality eggs and sausage, would be too greasy and so heavy they would put you directly back to sleep. To round it all off, the ever-crucial cup of coffee would be too large and so thin it would be nearly indistinguishable from tea if you shut your eyes to drink it. Normally, he'd prefer something small like an espresso, but that would probably come out burnt, cold, and at twice the price than in his native country.

"So, what do you want to eat?" asked Leorio once the litany of preemptive complains had finally ceased.

"Don't we always just order toast everywhere? Toast is always the least disappointing."

"Yes. Even when it's cold, it is still only bread. And jam conceals all sins."

"I'll order it…you'll try to negotiate the condiments to bring the price down, and I don't feel like waiting ten extra minutes for someone to get the manager and have them personally explain to you that the price is set. I have to live in this hotel for a week. I don't want a reputation for being a hassle."

"But if you don't try, Kurapika, you don't know. Maybe they will take some jenny off the price…."

"I can afford a few extra jenny, Leorio. I'll pay."

"I can't make you pay."

"I will."

"Okay then."

"Haha. Of course you never put up much of a fight."

"Why would I? Free breakfast."

The waiter came to the table and Kurapika ordered plenty of toast to split between two people, as well as the crucial coffees and an orange juice that Leorio scoffed at because it was too expensive. Kurapika ignored him, and Leorio finally relented with a comment that perhaps Kurapika needed the vitamins.

"Shit, look at that guy in the lobby," said Leorio, lowering his teashades to get a better look. "That's a nice suit. Probably Balta Morla. That drap, that luster. Not bespoke or anything crazy, but still. Shit. Where the hell is he going in that?"

Kurapika also looked briefly, only superficially registering the fact that the suit walking across the lobby was anything remotely special. The coffee and his juice arrived. He accepted them with gentle politeness while Leorio continued to watch the man in the nice suit until the man disappeared into an elevator.

"That's the kind of guy you have to bow to and kiss his damn hand," said Leorio with derision. "Only mob bosses and royalty dress that nice in everyday life. Or billionaires, but most people who are only rich try to look more relatable because they have to sell a product to normal people. No-one expects a prince or a mafia boss to be relatable."

"That man was overdressed. He appeared rather uncomfortable. His posture and expression were tense."

"Ch'. I didn't see his face. I was too distracted the by the handwork sewn around the buttonholes."

"You could see that? Really? From here?"

"It is important as a doctor to pay attention to the most minute details."

"And you used that skill to diagnose the price tag of that man's coat?"

"What else? I'm a connoisseur."

"Is the suit you have on now nice? Or are you less a connoisseur and just more a shameless critic?"

"What I'm wearing is nice enough for daily wear. I've never bought a suit that wasn't a sensible compromise of quality and price. I need these things to last. That's also why you need to take better care of your ties. They won't last if you treat them how you do."

"These sorts of clothes are a uniform, not an investment of mine."

"You waste time and money with poor quality either way. Think of the finite minutes of your life, Kurapika."

"I don't intend to wear suits every day for the rest of my life, but only for as long as I need for the position I'm in. I understand the idea behind why I ought to look and dress a certain way now, but this appearance doesn't carry the same connotation for me, and so, I won't keep it up once it's no longer necessary."

The toast arrived, some pieces hot and some cold because the quantity Kurapika had ordered surpassed the capacity of kitchen to prepare simultaneously. Leorio complained that the order should've been brought out in parts and sent the damp, older slices back, because he wasn't paying for soggy toast. Kurapika and the water exchanged sympathetic glances over Leorio's hunched shoulders as Leorio sorted through the small tray of jam options. Leorio asked if extra condiments would cost more, and the waiter shrugged, unsure, but speculated that it wouldn't be a problem. In that case, Leorio needed a lot more of the forest fruit variety.

"My first job at 14 was in the countryside, harvesting," said Leorio when the waiter had finally gone. "You don't need a suit to apply to pick fruit and sort cork planks. I saved up, but I waited to buy a suit because I was worried I'd grow out of it. That was a smart choice, because I got really tall at 16."

Kurapika nodded along with the story as he reached for a pat of butter and realized, with a disappoint sight, that Leorio had been right that it would be too cold. He sighed and placed it in a spoon, which he balanced carefully so that it spanned his hot cup of coffee. Leorio watched and snorted with laughter as Kurapika covered the operation with a napkin and waited.

"Are you sure you should be worried that _I'm_ the one who's going to give _you_ a reputation in this hotel?"

"It won't even take a minute," said Kurapika, peeking under the napkin after a few seconds and prodding the wrapped butter with his finger to check. "You see, the thermal energy, uninhibited by the insulating walls of the cup, moves in greater volume upwards and transfers to—"

"I see what you're doing. I get it. I know heat rises."

"Heat itself doesn't necessarily rise, Leorio. Less dense air rises. In this case the thermal energy is dispersing, and the path of least resistance is obviously going up throu—"

"Kurapika, in about five seconds the heat of this damn coffee I'm holding is going to disperse over your face if you don't stop trying to teach me thermodynamics over breakfast."

Kurapika smiled smugly as he removed the napkin and took down the spoon. The butter was now at a perfectly spreadable consistency. Leorio snidely remarked that he'd like to see Kurapika repeat that procedure for every single pat of butter for the rest of the breakfast.

"Anyway, back to what I was saying," said Leorio, dismissing the protracted interruption with a wave of his hand as he took a long sip of coffee. "My favorite thing was to go to the shop to try on the pieces. You walk in there, let them know you're going to buy something, and the attendants treat you well. They act like you're somebody because you're the somebody handing over the jenny. It gives you a taste of how it will be. You get to see how you'll be treated once the clothes worn finally reflect the man inside them."

"Unfortunately, I am not an expert in treating people with the respect their clothes demand. I treat them how I know they deserve. Perhaps I've insulted a few strangers."

"That would definitely count as one of the myriad of ways you've offended strangers," said Leorio with a knowing nod.

"They don't get as upset as you, though. Few people all out try to fight me because I've offended them after we meet."

"That's because you freak people out and you do weird stuff like try to teach them how the general expression 'heat rises' isn't _generally_ true, even though you know damn well it's just the way people describe that sort of thing. People won't argue with someone that weird. You are clearly out of touch, so arguing would just be a waste of time. People see that. We're more perceptive than you give us credit for."

"You tried to fight me though. That was…different."

"That's probably because I grew up with very little, so when someone treats me as inferior or less, a part of me…well, there's a voice in my head that automatically agrees with them. And I hate that part of me. And so I get disproportionately angry at whoever insults me."

"But I've insulted you plenty of times since then."

"Well, obviously your opinion no longer matters to me."

"That's a lie."

"Okay. True. You just have no power over me."

"Another lie."

"I trust you and love you and you would never hurt me."

Leorio effectively won the exchange with this comment. One of the benefits of not being as solitary and emotionally repressed as Kurapika was that Leorio could say embarrassing things about love, and Kurapika would have no rebuttal. Instead, Kurapika would look away, flustered, and fiddle with his sleeves or the hem of jacket.

"We ought to meet up tomorrow," said Leorio between mouthfuls of toast and jam. Kurapika was slowly, sullenly buttering his first slice in silence, he always found it unfair when Leorio used embarrassing tactics against him. He sprinkled a bit of sugar—actually intended for the coffee—over the glistening surface of the butter. Leorio made a gagging sound, ushering in the typical argument they had where Kurapika insisted sugar and butter were literally no different from butter and jam, and Leorio insisted that no _, just no_.

"Anyway, we should meet up tomorrow," Leorio pressed once more. "It doesn't have to be eating. I can just stop by whenever."

"We'll see."

"I know where you are. If I don't hear from you for three days, I'll know where to find you."

"Maybe not tomorrow, but this week. Don't come by unannounced. That's annoying."

"You weren't annoyed last night."

"Well, you weren't exactly unannounced. You know I made it easy."

"It's even easier to just ask me directly to come see you."

There was toast in Kurapika's hands, so fidgeting with his clothes was out of the question. Sometimes, he said, it felt like Leorio was bragging, showing off how easy it came to him, the ability to get along with people, to be so relaxed that he could say nearly anything at the precise moment he wanted to say it. Even if Leorio knew he was going to say something boorish or incorrect, he could still spit it out without overthinking. Indeed, the only shade of uncertainty reflected in his voice when he stammered was what he literally didn't know, not what he was afraid to share.

"I have an appointment at eleven," said Kurapika. "I'll be busy today and tomorrow. We can meet on Thursday. I'll have the day off."

"Then I guess it's 'breakfast' on Thursday."

"You're free?"

"You're only here a week. Of course I'm free."

"What does that mean?"

"You already know. Tell me when and where, and I'll coming running."

Kurapika smiled again, always happy to hear he had Leorio wrapped tighter around his finger than the tie Kurapika'd been tying around his neck. Subconsciously, Kurapika reached up the adjust the tie for no reason. Leorio said the knot was fine, not to worry and Kurapika laughed at the assumption that he was worried how his suit looked.

"You better practice that knot, though. I'm definitely going to have you review how to tie it right when I see you again."

The redone order of toast came out with the extra jam, and breakfast resumed in peace. Leorio criticised the quality of the things around them. Kurapika occasionally agreed, or just nodded along, or told Leorio he was wrong and corrected him. On Thursday it all repeated again.

**Author's Note:**

> So like…do I have to explain why Leorio arrived six hours early to a breakfast date? Or will a wink and a nudge suffice?
> 
> Also, I don't like jam on toast (or sugar, ew), but I eat it anyway to get breakfast out of the way, because breakfast is my least favorite meal (full disclosure: my absolute favorite meal is gummy candies). Also, _I have no idea_ if you can order just toast for breakfast, as I have never tried.


End file.
